What to do when dating an addict


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But I had already invested so much in this relationship, moving states and all. We can all morph into the worst versions of ourselves when we become clenched in fear. The love I had for him and the idea of us kept me in that relationship for several months after the revelation about his addiction, and I eventually realized why Alex had admitted his meth use to me. I felt like I lost myself again, when just months before I was so certain about my identity.

Alex continued to relapse for the next six months, never staying sober for more than a few weeks at a time, and I began to feel extremely helpless. Those fits of restlessness and angst that overwhelmed him every night felt too close to home, and just like him, I had yet to master how to tolerate those uncomfortable feelings. Some evenings I found strength in myself and was able to tolerate the uncomfortable emotions he was experiencing without reacting.

This lovely relationship we once had devolved to one of raw, dark emotions that neither of us really knew how to get a grip on. And worst, we both relied on the other person to get it together! Eventually, despite the fact that I loved this man with all my heart, I knew I had to set myself free from this relationship. Many days I have guilt and regrets for leaving and not being able to help him out of his addiction. It was like all of the meaningful talks we had, trips to the psychiatrist, and meditative walks in nature were for nothing.

In all honesty, I felt pretty useless to his recovery. In retrospect, I know I would have done things differently if I knew the things I know now. When he first revealed he was addicted to meth, I could have been honest and told him I had no clue what to do and somehow convey the depths of helplessness I felt. Supporting an addict can be draining, and no one should have to carry that alone.

5 Things I Wish I’d Known Before Dating An Addict

I should have made time every day to reconnect with myself in some way, whether it be meditation , exercise, or prayer. Relationships often become unbalanced when one person is an addict, but both people need time and space to focus on themselves and their needs. For instance, it would have been more helpful if I told myself that if I saw him using while we were together, I would have distanced myself from him.

But using drugs while being together is unacceptable to me, and if I find out you are using, I will have to distance myself from you for my sake. Like many others, I felt pretty paralyzed by fear of hurting the other person.

Where to get help for drugs

I wished I had more strength to leave this person I was in love with because he was self destructing and refusing to really help himself. Monica Viera is a novelist who lives in Los Angeles, California. She is best known for her novel Crazy Meeting You Here. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice.

The content on Tiny Buddha is designed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition. Before using the site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. Click to opt-out of Google Analytics tracking. Though I run this site, it is not mine. He struggled with addiction to heroin, cocaine, and prescription painkillers.

Dating a drug addict - The manipulation

It had led him to steal and hurt people. I stayed with him and learned these lessons the hard way. Raw addiction can be like an open wound—painful and frustrating. It helps the addict to talk about their past, but it can bring up memories of unpleasant emotions. When tapped into, a normal conversation can turn into a one-way venting session that often left me in tears.

Everyone has heard the saying: I found myself in the hospital with severe malnutrition after living months of the heroin lifestyle without even taking the drug. This was one of the hardest lessons to learn. I wanted so badly to help the artistic, brilliant person that was living inside his drug-addicted body. I helped him go in to rehab, found him a place to live, and eventually unknowingly funded his drug habits.

Drug addiction: getting help - NHS

Hopefully, an addict will find it within themselves to seek help and begin recovery. Whether or not this happens has nothing to do with you.


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You may find, as I did, that your love is unrequited. It was hard to hear that love, among other things, was a lie. There are resources such as Nar-Anon for friends and families of addicts. Along with thousands of books I recommend this one , they will teach you foremost that addiction can be traced to chemicals in the brain and is far deeper and more physical than many people think. It can be treated and there are professionals who can help addicts seek the help they need.

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